HORSE UPDATES

Many of you have asked about how Frank is doing.  I'm glad to report that while he's not out of the woods yet, he's doing ok.  Right now, I'll take OK.  Seems that Frank is just like me - complicated.  His fecal tests came back from OSU and were normal.  This is a good thing as it confirms that there are no parasites.  He's on a worming program, so it would have been highly surprising if he had something crawling around in there, but you never know.  His manure goes from loose to sorta-kinda-normal looking back to loose which is frustrating.  He's doing better today, aside from being completely and utterly hyper-energetic - he was tearing around his run all day!  The footing is so bad around the property right now, that I can't take them out for hand walks - I'd be slipping and sliding, especially with Frank in the state he's in.  I'm hoping that things will dry up a bit by next week so I can get some use out of the round pen!

Surveying his kingdom

His kingdom!

Big Horse - Little Beagle

In case you're curious, I did do some canning today in order to use up the pounds and pounds of ripe tomatoes...I tried my hand at barbeque sauce, and I'm not so sure I'll do it again.  It's a mountain of effort for hardly any reward.

Just four jars of BBQ sauce

It tastes good (not great) - but I'm thinking I have better things to be doing with my time - like playing with my beautiful little girl!

RANDOM PHOTOS OF THE DAY

Ellie helping mommy in the kitchen

She apparently needed all 20 spoons from her drawer to get the job done

I love finding the remnants of spring in the fall...

The driveway at dusk

The view from our front field - that hill in the distance is a state park

Friends, Family, and Furry Friends

There seems to be a direct relationship between the level of stress in my life and the amount of time I spend in the kitchen each day.  Looking at my To Do list this morning, I realized that I had carried one item from one list to the next for weeks: "Lemon-Sage Wine Mustard." Yeah. I've been talking about making and canning the mustard for over a month now, and today I decided it had been put off long enough.  As I started prepping the ingredients, I happened upon 9 lbs. of tomatillos that had gone undiscovered in the crisper.  One more week and they'd be more suited for the compost pile than for eating, so suddenly the mustard seemed to once again be less of a priority.  Out came the cutting board, and I got down to business cooking the tomatillos for freezing (they need to be cooked before they're frozen!).  Of course, while taking the first batch of tomatillos out to the freezer, I noticed 2 heads of cabbage. OH MAN! Those would be bad by tomorrow or the day after, and I can't stand the thought of losing any of the produce that I have left, plus, Ed (Mom's husband) LOVES my pickled cabbage.  So the mustard got bumped again.

By the time my friend Amy showed up to visit, I was in the middle of cooking tomatillos, pickling cabbage, and soaking mustard seeds in wine.  The kitchen was a disaster, but Ellie Graye was in bed napping.  Having Amy there really helped me to relax and took my mind off Frankie.  I was so happy to have her sitting there, watching and chatting while I was working that everything took three times as long, but I really didn't care.  As I smelled my way through my adapted kimchi recipe, she reminded me, "Don't forget to write that down." If only I had stopped at the moment and done exactly that!  Far too frequently I use a recipe as a "base" and then add what my nose tells me to, but forget to write it down, so I have to figure it all out again the next time I make it.  Such is the case with this batch of cabbage -- I know I added ginger when the recipe didn't call for it, but there was something else I threw in there at the last minute that I just can't recall!

Starting the fermenting process

Despite having the distraction of Amy, I still managed to get everything done - and I enjoyed myself as I worked!  She cracks me up! As she was leaving she commented, "Wow. I just sat here and did nothing while you made...you made...MUSTARD!?!?!" I giggled, realizing how incredibly odd that sounded - and how much more odd that would have been when I was living in LA.  But somehow here at Deer Park it just has to be that way; my Hollywood life seems so distant!

It's sweet and yummy and unique!

After Amy left, I braved the wind and the rain, and went out to check on Frank who seems to be doing a lot better.  I've ordered new hay that I will pick up tomorrow (they'll give me 10 bales free since they want to keep my business, and are pretty sure their hay was dry when it was baled).  I'll super inspect it, and move on from there.  I'm feeling hopeful today about his prognosis; I'm not sure I have a reason to feel hopeful, but I definitely do.  

Ellie Graye was, as usual, non-stop.  She's constantly moving, constantly learning, and constantly full of energy!  She's got so much personality!  Her "thing" today revolved around her pajamas: yes, her pjs. She decided that she wanted to wear them like a cape - arms only, no feet!  It was a riot.  The entire day she wore her pjs like that, sometimes holding the feet in her hands, other times letting them drag behind her like a second set of legs.  It really was comical to see.

Whenever the phone rings, whether we're in the car or at home, Ellie's eyes light up and she says, "Papa!!!" or "DaDa!"  She loves talking to him on the phone.  She'll smile and say, "Hiiiiiiiiiiii" and then hug the phone or blow kisses.  I finally had the camera close by to capture some of the cuteness.  She's definitely daddy's little girl!

*note the dress under the pjs!

Ellie's Uncle Colin came by this evening to visit and catch up.  It's been quite a while since he and I have spent time alone together, so it was extremely nice to have him around to chat with.  Earlier in the day I had started bottling a few of the infused vodkas that have been brewing since June and July, so he did a taste testing of the Spiced Wild Plum and then the plain Wild Plum.  As usual with him, the Wild Plum won - he says the Spiced Plum tastes a bit like pie.  I made him chicken tikka masala, and served it with Trader Joe's Flatbread.  I hadn't had Indian food in ages, so I was happy to pull out the recipe and have a scrummy yummy dinner.  

Mommy MUST have been tired, because the TV was on!!!

Scrummy Yummy, Delicious!

Uncle Colin, Boots, Jax and EG played for ages, until Ellie hit that over-stimulated, over-tired mode, and took it out on Boots.  She's at that stage where she understands but is testing how firm my rules and boundries are.  She stopped just before hitting him a third time, looked at me, then BAM. She hit him.  So, off to bed it was!  

Boots is definitely having some health issues again.  He's extremely guarded with his kidney area, and is acting a bit out of sorts.  He's needy and cranky, and just isn't his usual bubbly self.  If he's still not feeling well in the morning, I'll have to consider taking him in.  Ugh. My animal situation is ridiculous!

Ok. I feel sleep coming on - I'm not even going to bother editing...  

The struggles of life make the good times all that much more enjoyable, right??? :-) 

RANDOM PHOTOS OF THE DAY

When Things Don't Go As You Hoped

Oh man.  I think I've reached the end of my self-confidence when it comes to my horses.  Many of you have been asking about how the visit with the vet went, and frankly, I just want to wipe it out of my memory.  We're no closer to having an answer, except he totally made me feel like a SH*TTY horse owner, because after examining a flake of hay that Frank hadn't eaten and I hadn't disposed of, Dr. Fisher said the cause might simply be "poor hay quality." WHAT???? I look at every flake I give that horse.  I handed the vet a fresh flake, and somewhere in the middle of examining, he says, "It's a stretch, but go buy new hay. That may be the problem."

I love Dr. Fisher - A LOT; and I know through sources close to him, that he feels the same way about me and my animals...but really? Bad hay?  After he left, I sifted through flake after flake, and found maybe a blade here or there that had tiny, tiny specks.  But is that seriously enough to put my horse in the situation he's in?????  You see, this is where my insecurity flares up. Obviously, I don't know what I'm doing. And what I've been doing is killing my horse. Which means, I don't deserve to own a horse. Which means....WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW?!?!?

Ok, so maybe I'm over-reacting.  I did say to Greg, "Um, yeah. I'm gonna feel like a dipsh*t if it turns out to be hay quality." To which he responded, "Nah, it wasn't something that was so bad that it was obvious."  Yeah, ok. THAT'S supposed to make me feel better?!?!?

To be fair, we took another blood sample, as well as stool sample and will send to the lab down at Oregon State to recheck everything.  There are a few possibilities - bladder stone (which would be highly unlikely since there's no blood in his urine, and he's not having issues urinating), an immune disorder that I can't remember the name of (it starts with a "p" and goes on for ages), or a tumor (likely effecting the liver or kidney).  The treatment for bladder stones? Surgery. We can't afford it. The treatment for the immune disorder? Steroids. Frank has ulcers, we can't give him steroids! The diagnosis and treatment for a tumor? Completely out of my range.

All of that to say that as embarrassed as I would be if the problem is as simple as poor hay quality, I hope that is the answer. Why? Because THAT I can change; THAT I can treat.  If all I have to do is swallow my pride for the sake of my horse's comfort, health, and life...I can do that, and would do it over and over and over.  I understand now why so many horse owners are paranoid: for as big as they are, they are incredibly, incredibly fragile beings.  Here's to hoping for the simple answer, and to the opportunity to grow in my personal life!

Aside from my drama with Dr. Greg Fisher (who I love, btw), my day was once again non-stop.  I decided to change things up for Ellie Graye and make her french toast for breakfast. I made her my favorite vanilla french toast, and she LOVED it! I didn't mind it either! :-) That was when my day truly got started...

I had saved a few of the quince I had picked yesterday for my neighbor, and wanted to try my hand at making quince jelly...so that's what I did...or tried to do.  Halfway through the process, I spilled at least half the juice all over the floor, and had to start all over again! Yeah. I was pissed. It really was "one of those days." I'll post the recipe when I get the chance!

From this...

To this!

As I look back on the day, it becomes more and more obvious that I was simply "filling" time so that I couldn't or wouldn't think about Dr. Frank.  Because, really folks, wasn't making quince jelly enough? Noooooo...I also made a batch of green salsa.  Yummy, yummy tomatillo green salsa.  I used jalepenos, onions, garlic, and tomatillos from my garden. I think the jalepenos weren't quite ready yet, because while they packed a lot of flavor, none of it was spicy.  It's still yummy, and I definitely love that all of the produce was grown here at Deer Park. Besides, it's a hidden compliment that nearly 3 batches of the salsa that I made in the summer is gone....all eaten by friends and family!

I think I might have burned it a little...but hey, it lends a "smokey" flavor

We spent lots of time outside, watching the geese and the ducks that decided to make the lake where they spent their day.  Ellie Graye is obsessed with ducks, so it was wonderful to see her be so incredibly thrilled and excited to see them.

The Canadian Geese

believe it or not, there are baby ducks in this photo...

 Later in the evening, my mother came over for dinner and brought along an old childhood friend, Luke Maschmyer.  I hadn't seen him since he was about 11, so it was cool to hang out with him and actually "meet" him and who he is now.  He, like many of the people I grew up with, is quite an accomplished pianist, and immediately asked to play our piano.  Ellie Graye was enthralled, and at one point, attempted to join in.

So precious!

In the middle of all the hooplah with my horse, as well as the salsa and jam making, I managed to throw together a dinner that I've been craving for couple days - Chicken Caprese.  I LOVE caprese salad - with fresh tomatoes and basil and yummy mozzarella.  Over the years I've adjusted things to work the way I like, and I think by now I've come up with quite a good combination.  I'll post the recipe once I get my head screwed on straight again!

There's chicken in there somewhere! :-)

All in all, it was an exceedingly productive day, and as long as I stay busy, I don't have time to think about the embarrassment I'll feel if Frank's troubles all come down to "poor quality hay."  Sigh. I've done my best, but it might not be good enough!

RANDOM PHOTOS OF THE DAY

You're kidding right? With these ponytails, I certainly know what's cool.

Boots really wanted those geese, but he'd already seen Jax try to go for them!

This is all Victor has been doing for the last two weeks - raking leaves!

Challenges of the Countryside

Oh, man, sometimes this city girl living in the country just needs a good cry........

I was scared to death when I moved the horses out to the property - but it made sense.  Things weren't working out in the situation they were in; we were trying to reduce our spending; they needed some time just to be horses; and we had 72 acres that we could do whatever we wanted with.  The barn was built in a week or so, and before I knew it, I had my horses here with me.  I knew that I had the training to be able to provide what they needed, but doubted myself at every turn.  I'd never had full-care of my horses before, and while I was definitely familiar with their daily needs and care, I felt I needed someone to remind me what to do; someone to catch things that I might miss, and, of course, someone to correct me when I was doing things that weren't "right."  Somehow I've made it through the last 10 months, mostly due to the help and encouragement of many of my "horsey" friends.  They believed in me, and reminded me that I have good instincts and lots of knowledge but I had just never been tested...I think they were right, but I have to say, this entire situation with my horse Frank is really trying my self-confidence!  Sometimes I think that I've gotten in way over my head with this whole living-in-the-country thing.  

he has the softest eyes of any horse I know

Today as I was taking a break from being with Frank, I just felt like throwing my hands in the air and saying, "FORGET THIS."  With so much to be done around the property to keep it up to par, I just couldn't see how or why to keep going: the horses, the dogs, the baby, the house, the garden, and the myriad of other things that seem so petty but seriously take up time.  I left the horses, and walked across the dam with Boots and Jax in tow.  As I did so, I actually thought about this blog.  I thought about how I would articulate the emotions I was feeling, and how I would resolve them.  I was stumped. All I could think was, "I just want to cry."  I still do.

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I spent several hours with Frank today.  He didn't eat anything through the night last night, and around 1 pm, he began to show signs of colic - he was biting and kicking at his belly, and as I was hand-walking him, we couldn't get more than 10 feet without him trying to roll.  I gave him a half-dose of Banamine and called the vet; I hand walked him until he finally seemed to be more comfortable.  I was happy that when I put him back into his stall, he stood on all four feet, and even took a few bites of hay.  The vet is going to come out tomorrow instead of Friday, because things don't seem to be getting better.

he finally decided to eat

so skinny

Still a clown! Love this guy!

In between the frequent trips to the barn to check on Dr. Frank (yes, that's his registered name), I did get some tasks done in the garden.  The last crop of quince was ready to be picked, and our neighbor has been begging me for them, so I harvested the remaining fruit, and packed them up for her.  I also picked the last of our dahlias, then headed to the vegetable garden for cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes and basil.  After gathering the last tidbits of harvest, Victor came through and mowed everything down.  It's hard to believe that the season of growing is already done, but the withering vines, drying husks, and wilting herbs have spoken! The ground seems so naked now, but it's clean and tidy, and I love it!

I love these dahlias!

The quince for Farah

Victor mowing down the garden

V also trimmed the roses (I think we're a couple weeks late but at least the frost hasn't come yet)

After checking to see that Ellie Graye was still napping, I headed out to walk around Deer Park in an effort to take some much needed "Melissa" time.  As I did, I looked for inspiration for Thanksginving and Christmas decor.  Often times berries, leaves and flowers have to be collected far in advance - otherwise, by the time you need them, they're gone or moldy or ruined in some way.  So, I picked up some berries to use on the mantle at Christmas time.  I also clipped some of the "beauty berries" that we have in the island of our driveway.  I love using them in winter arrangements, as they dry wonderfully, and give an unexpected burst of color in the middle of an otherwise colorless season.

Beauty Berries

Spending time with my daughter was a wonderful way to end the day.  When we headed into her bedroom to get ready to sleep, she asked me to read Good Night, Moon.  Most nights she'll look at the first few pages, and then lose interest, but tonight for the first time, she understood that the words I was saying were associated with the pictures in the book.  Three times we read it: "In the great green room there was a telephone, and a red balloon...." all the way through to "Goodnight noises everywhere!"  It really was a special time together.  As she sat in my lap, her head cuddled against my neck, the smell of her freshly washed hair, and the sounds of her contentedly sipping her milk, I was once again overwhelmed with emotion.

Our FAMILY is why we live here in the country and not in Los Angeles.

Our FAMILY is what makes the hard work of the farm worth it.

It's US is who gives this place purpose.

Looking at the lake trying to find "Patos" (ducks)

Mr. Frog was following her everywhere this morning!

Her favorite suction cup ducks!

It's definitely time to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and just be with my emotions. Good night, all!

RANDOM PHOTOS OF THE DAY

Our house from the rose garden

The flag in the rose garden

Hugging Victor